9 JuLy 2oo8
It ended... All along it was just a dream? A fantasy? And now i have to wake up? It's not fair... T.T
He just said.. "Honey, I'm sorry" and thats the end. Sorry wat? Wat for?
Why wanna bluff yourself that you dun love me? Why wanna bluff yourself that we dun match each other? What makes you say so? Mayb you will say i'm the one thats cheating myself and refuse to accept the fact that you're gone forever.
You teach me how to love. You teach me how to be confident. You knew i have low confidence with myself. But now... i got at least some.. I'm confident we will be good. But why wanna break my confidence again? Why does your word contradicts so much? I'm lost... It feels so empty now... Meaningless.. When i wake up, i asked myself, why do i have to wake up. How i wish i could fall deeper in sleep as deep as i had fall for you. I dowanna wake up without having you with me anymore.. It's just so hard to take...
You were my fren. You were my companion. You were my motivation. You were my life. My everything. If only you can try to feel how much i need you...... U still and always will be my everything. With one sentence, you left me with nothing. With the fact that i'm having my 2 months holiday now. It's worst. I'll be staying at home crying for the whole 2months!! I dunno wat else could i do, but cry.
Do you know? I had plans for your bday. I know where i can bring you. Eventho its 5 months more. I know wat to get you. Even for this holiday... i planned alot of things.. Part of it is to make our relationship better. I never knew it would be this fast.. Never thought we cant even make it until my holiday.
I dream of you always, you knew that. Honestly, i never dreamt of any of my ex before. You're the only one. I dunno why. And i dreamt of you yesterday!! It was so real... I forgot wat actually happen but it was so sweet. Sadly i woke at 8++, woke from the dream!!! And i realise, it's not the same anymore. You're just not here anymore.
I had major difficutlties studying my PMG that night.. i cant even study.. But at last i did. I used you as my motivation.. I cheated myself that you will be back if i finish studying.. I rili din know how i did it, but i did study finish. But i cant remember.. It was like so blank in the exam hall. I barely could write anything for my essay. 10% is not a small amount for me. I need that 10% as much as i needed you. It holds my future. Its so hard to stay awake, studying... So hard to even move on to see tomorrow's sun light. I never gave up... I tried and i succeeded. Altho i cant get to answer my paper well and i know i've screwed it. I did my best. I tried.
Why must all this happen to me? Why does God chose me? I can't take this anymore. I just want to be loved and k for. Not to be hurt so badly... At least if i had another chance to try work things out, and it failed again.. I will feel better, way much better than now. At least i tried and it din work.. But now, in the midst of trying.. (actually haven even started to) you back out. Why so cruel? I think you understand more than i do. The differece between the feeling when i wanted to end it and the feeling when you ended it. It's different rite? So will mine!
I dunno who can i talk to.. Everyone will ask me to forget it. It's not easy. I know, they will ask me to try. Some even say he's not good? What makes you say so.. The fact is that you saw me waiting for him outside of his class and you said he treat me like maid? What about him waiting outside my class? Please dun judge if you don't know what's going on. Dun make assumptions based on what you saw and ignore what you din see. I know it's hard not to make assumptions, we're just human! But at least, please dun make bad assumptions about him!
You came into my life so sweetly. Feel so fated together. As if God planned everything. We fall in love at the same moment, at the same place! But why? Why must it end so miserably? The moment you told me you love me, i thought i was dreaming. You know i still misses my ex. But you said "what can i do? i already got my head wet". You wanted to make me forget him and concentrate on you, rite? YES, you succeed! I can tell that i love you more than any other. I love you like i have never loved before. 5months seems short? But 5months seems more like 1 year to me. We study together, go class together, eat together, cry together, laugh together, motivate each other, teach each other... You were the closest one. Among all, i was with u in person 50times more than the rest of my ex. I once cried stupidly for my ex for 2 months! i know.. stupid! But i loved you way more.. Can you count how many months i will continue to cry? I dunno.. The impact is too big for me to measure.
My mind is controlling me. I cant sleep well. I cry n cry n cry and make myself as tired as i could so that i can fall asleep easily.. I cant do anything much. I just dun have the mood to do it! There's alot i wanted to do during the holiday.. Now? I dun even feel like doing any. "What for doing all these?" I cant. I just realise, i did it becoz of you. And now you're not here, i cant find reasons for me to do. T.T even to the extent... i can't eat well. I just feel like vomiting all the time... I forced myself to eat.. But everytime i swallow the food, i feel like i wanna puke it out. It's as if asking me to swallow the fact that you left me!!
Just to inform that i will love him no matter wat it takes. I will wait for him to be back. Need not advice me, as you clearly know that it won't work. No use scolding me also. I know you all just hope that can wake me up. But honestly, not only does that dun wake me up. It makes me regret more and hurt me even more. I will wait, i'll be fine. Mayb you'll say i'm cheating on myself, at least i have hope in life, a reason for me to move on. Dun say i din try, if i din, i wouldn't be here writing all this "crap" ( "crap" thats wat u think, rite? not for me!!) i'll be already dead or lying in a hospital bed for the attempt of suicide! And i'm not, rite? I'm still alive rite? So just let me be...
It ended... All along it was just a dream? A fantasy? And now i have to wake up? It's not fair... T.T
He just said.. "Honey, I'm sorry" and thats the end. Sorry wat? Wat for?
Why wanna bluff yourself that you dun love me? Why wanna bluff yourself that we dun match each other? What makes you say so? Mayb you will say i'm the one thats cheating myself and refuse to accept the fact that you're gone forever.
You teach me how to love. You teach me how to be confident. You knew i have low confidence with myself. But now... i got at least some.. I'm confident we will be good. But why wanna break my confidence again? Why does your word contradicts so much? I'm lost... It feels so empty now... Meaningless.. When i wake up, i asked myself, why do i have to wake up. How i wish i could fall deeper in sleep as deep as i had fall for you. I dowanna wake up without having you with me anymore.. It's just so hard to take...
You were my fren. You were my companion. You were my motivation. You were my life. My everything. If only you can try to feel how much i need you...... U still and always will be my everything. With one sentence, you left me with nothing. With the fact that i'm having my 2 months holiday now. It's worst. I'll be staying at home crying for the whole 2months!! I dunno wat else could i do, but cry.
Do you know? I had plans for your bday. I know where i can bring you. Eventho its 5 months more. I know wat to get you. Even for this holiday... i planned alot of things.. Part of it is to make our relationship better. I never knew it would be this fast.. Never thought we cant even make it until my holiday.
I dream of you always, you knew that. Honestly, i never dreamt of any of my ex before. You're the only one. I dunno why. And i dreamt of you yesterday!! It was so real... I forgot wat actually happen but it was so sweet. Sadly i woke at 8++, woke from the dream!!! And i realise, it's not the same anymore. You're just not here anymore.
I had major difficutlties studying my PMG that night.. i cant even study.. But at last i did. I used you as my motivation.. I cheated myself that you will be back if i finish studying.. I rili din know how i did it, but i did study finish. But i cant remember.. It was like so blank in the exam hall. I barely could write anything for my essay. 10% is not a small amount for me. I need that 10% as much as i needed you. It holds my future. Its so hard to stay awake, studying... So hard to even move on to see tomorrow's sun light. I never gave up... I tried and i succeeded. Altho i cant get to answer my paper well and i know i've screwed it. I did my best. I tried.
Why must all this happen to me? Why does God chose me? I can't take this anymore. I just want to be loved and k for. Not to be hurt so badly... At least if i had another chance to try work things out, and it failed again.. I will feel better, way much better than now. At least i tried and it din work.. But now, in the midst of trying.. (actually haven even started to) you back out. Why so cruel? I think you understand more than i do. The differece between the feeling when i wanted to end it and the feeling when you ended it. It's different rite? So will mine!
I dunno who can i talk to.. Everyone will ask me to forget it. It's not easy. I know, they will ask me to try. Some even say he's not good? What makes you say so.. The fact is that you saw me waiting for him outside of his class and you said he treat me like maid? What about him waiting outside my class? Please dun judge if you don't know what's going on. Dun make assumptions based on what you saw and ignore what you din see. I know it's hard not to make assumptions, we're just human! But at least, please dun make bad assumptions about him!
You came into my life so sweetly. Feel so fated together. As if God planned everything. We fall in love at the same moment, at the same place! But why? Why must it end so miserably? The moment you told me you love me, i thought i was dreaming. You know i still misses my ex. But you said "what can i do? i already got my head wet". You wanted to make me forget him and concentrate on you, rite? YES, you succeed! I can tell that i love you more than any other. I love you like i have never loved before. 5months seems short? But 5months seems more like 1 year to me. We study together, go class together, eat together, cry together, laugh together, motivate each other, teach each other... You were the closest one. Among all, i was with u in person 50times more than the rest of my ex. I once cried stupidly for my ex for 2 months! i know.. stupid! But i loved you way more.. Can you count how many months i will continue to cry? I dunno.. The impact is too big for me to measure.
My mind is controlling me. I cant sleep well. I cry n cry n cry and make myself as tired as i could so that i can fall asleep easily.. I cant do anything much. I just dun have the mood to do it! There's alot i wanted to do during the holiday.. Now? I dun even feel like doing any. "What for doing all these?" I cant. I just realise, i did it becoz of you. And now you're not here, i cant find reasons for me to do. T.T even to the extent... i can't eat well. I just feel like vomiting all the time... I forced myself to eat.. But everytime i swallow the food, i feel like i wanna puke it out. It's as if asking me to swallow the fact that you left me!!
Just to inform that i will love him no matter wat it takes. I will wait for him to be back. Need not advice me, as you clearly know that it won't work. No use scolding me also. I know you all just hope that can wake me up. But honestly, not only does that dun wake me up. It makes me regret more and hurt me even more. I will wait, i'll be fine. Mayb you'll say i'm cheating on myself, at least i have hope in life, a reason for me to move on. Dun say i din try, if i din, i wouldn't be here writing all this "crap" ( "crap" thats wat u think, rite? not for me!!) i'll be already dead or lying in a hospital bed for the attempt of suicide! And i'm not, rite? I'm still alive rite? So just let me be...
I edited this... For him...
I put wrong. i think i should be the one in blue? not so sure. The yellow just look more girly to me
Edit this too! RNZH & SWLT.jpg)
31 March 2oo8
He fed me
Share our drinks
My birthday
A birthday that i will never forget
Because it's just so sweet n happy
Exchanging food...
U can guess this
The love......jpg)
He made this...jpg)
And this....jpg)
If only i can do this again,
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I will not let go...........I thank you for all the sweet memories that u gave me. For all the small little things that you do and it meant alot to me. Mayb i dunno how to express myself well. But i do know when u're angry or sad. I just need to think what to do. not that i dowanna do anything. Thanks for waiting for me almost half an hour on tuesday just to walk me to the exam hall. Never knew that it was the last time i will get to walk with you, feel your touch and kiss you. Altho its just a few minutes, its already enuf for me to remember forever. I'll remember your smile, your smell, your touch, your kiss, your voice. Everything!
ROGER NG ZHEN HOU I WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU NO MATTER WAT HAPPENS!!
ROGER NG ZHEN HOU I WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU NO MATTER WAT HAPPENS!!
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