Forgive my randomness....

Lalalalalalalala....

Okay... Maybe i shall certify myself "CRAZY".... Hey, can't blame me okay.. Anymore additional minute in this house, i'm gonna go even crazier... =.="" And face it, i'm gonna have to stuck my butt here in my H O M E for at least 1 more month... Yeah... CRAP!!!

Went interview... err.. last friday?? See!! I can't even remember dates and day dy... So shitty... Err... the not-so-scary-interview was attended by the-five-of-us.. Exactly!!! So cool rite if all the five of us got the job?!?! Haha... dream on la...

Well... waiting for the call now.. impossible if not even one of us get the job lorr... we so teruk meh?? ahahahaha.... waiting n waiting n waiting... ZZzzz... Haha... I dun remember how i get to go to the interview tho... Err... i INFORMED my parents instead of ASKING them. lolxxx.. i'm sick of home!!! They showed me de "i don't like face", but blah....

Finding for dancing classes also to spend my no-longer-precious-time. Any suggestions??? Haha... Okay.. i know.. i told u rite? I'm random!!! Well.. the sky is as random as me.. Suddenly rain!!! Fuiyoo... Nice to sleep!!! Just hope i dun catch a cold.. Coz i often get it when i sleep... =.="" Maybe my Ms.Antibodi is sleeping also??? ahahahhahaha....

Well... To ****.. (u know who u r)

Move on... U're not alone... (like ppl always tell me.. lolxxx) Err.. at least... the girl who's going through the same situation is now saying this to u?? Better? Nahh.. Haha... Anyway, just make sure u eat n sleep enuf k?? We shall get thro this pretty soon... =) Trust me, we will!!! ^o^

i wanna go out la... OMG OMG OMG!!! Please bring me out on thurs!!!!! PLZ PLZ PLZ... lolxxxxx.... i know... desperate... u will too if u know why... ZZzzz...

i.W.1.5.5.H.i.M

i4 July 2oo8

Passed my driving test!!! Yeah? No? I dunno lar....

I wore the pink t shirt today... The one that he gave me... Just feel like wearing it, hoping that it brings me luck. Well, it does motivates me and keeps me calm. Proven.

I got Bahagian 2 first.. I doubt that i paid extra (you know) for the course. I paid 815?? Some paid 1000++!!! O.o I thought mine is already expensive enuf. Thought it has included the "extra money". But then, there is 2 groups before me. The white n yellow. I'm green. The last group!! I actually waited for like 3 hours before being called to register. So, yeah, i think i din pay extra. If i did, i wouldn't have to wait that long. Nvm, i did it on my own. Even with crazy examiners... =.=""

Bahagian 2 was okay larrr... Started with the hill. No problems there. And i din know that i actually need to put my hands up for the 3-point-turn also when i've done turning in. No one tell me also. =.=" Lucky i saw and i asked someone. Nice girl. Tell me what to do and all for the bahagian 3 coz she did it. And tell me abit bout her fiance. I know, wrong timing for me! T.T And oh yeah.. i met my fren there. But she's lik 30numbers in front of me. So, yeah, no difference. I'm still kinda alone most of the time dreaming away under the hot sun. =.="" And my Mandarin sux!!! Dunno what i'm talking la.. But somehow, some way, people could actually understand me.. =.=

Bahagian 3 is the shitty wan lar...

I seriously had no idea how i stand that shitty examiner.. He was nagging and scolding and yelling at me... Gosh!!! My ears... I'm suppose to check everything before i move rite? I'm so scare i will forget any... So i did one by one.. Until the wiper's water!!! Dun have!! I tell him "Air tak ada lar". He say "Let's go". I repeat and he also repeat. Damn F*** wan lor... Then i mai go only la... He mark that i din check wiper... =.="" !@#@#@!@#@#!#@

And... my engine die 2 times!!! Haven even went out to the road!! Lolxxx... Coz there's a big slope at the exit there... Hate that slope... i just knew it will happen... Unless i'm the 1st car to come out from that persimpangan. But i'm not... I'm 2nd. Another car is waiting in front. Basically i'm on the most steep part... If i'm the 1st, then it will be better coz its kinda flat dy the road. When i was waiting to go out, he ask me to go out NOW! But that time i'm like just stop and pull the hand brake lor... ZZzzz Then i dun k him la... I just go out when i can. Lucky not much car also... He keep complain. He say "I said NOW"... -.-

When i'm on the road, he ask me to speed... Ask me use the left lane when there's car coming. Keep say "NOW!" Yada, yada, yada..... Damn him... I value my life more than a pass, okay? ZZzzz... He even ask me to go when the traffic light is RED!!! =.="""" I was like "huh? nak jalan terus ke?" Coz as far as i know, thats not the exam route. In fact, he din even tell me to use which route. I heard from those who did it, we choose ourselves. Then he answer me "pusing kanan." Then i said "Lampu merah la..." Then he ask me to stand by... Bugger!!! Keep ask me speed... So angry la.. GRRRR..... Then i speed until traffic light, it turn orange... I brake like in 3seconds... XD he was like "Aiyo" and complaining, complaining away... Then i reach dy, i stop at the junction and change to 1st gear, he complain again... =.=""" Then suppose to stop where my instructor previously remind me, but the examiner say go back the place where i got in. Then i ask "tak payah henti sini ke?" Then he scold me again... "Tak payah!! Aiyo, u ni pening kepala la" =.=" argggghhhhh..... grrrrr....

Still, i passed!!! 17 over 20. Should have got 18 lorr... The wiper!!!! Stupid wan la... I think must b the girl before me mayb? She came out like so.. er.... dunno how to describe.. Normally if passed, u can see the happy face rite? I saw her face i thought she fail =.="" then i ask her, she say 17. So, i guess she got scolded also? Coz when she wanna move i saw her having problems.. Something with her clutch. Like old car.. Mayb that pissed off the examiner? Nvm!! i pass dy... Forget it...

For bahagian 2, i saw a few of them too nervous la. Few guys (ya! guys!not girls.), they can't move!!! When wanna go up the hill, they just keep trying to move forward. Instead, they reversed... =.="" dunno what went wrong la. Then they tell those instructor, cant move in front la!!! =.="" Then instrucor move forward a bit for them. lolx... Some keep starting the engine when it's already started... Too nervous, i guess.

Haizzz... i'm currenlty sad, frusatrated, lost, hurt, angry, random, confuse..... All mix and messy. Dunno what cause each of it. Some certain reason, god knows la. Haizzz... Cried... Not like i wan to. It flowed naturally. And it didn't help much also... No difference... =.="" Eye more swollen and tired... Not sure which feeeling made me cry also.. =.=" Thought gonna eat with jul 2moro... Plans cancelled!! Now i'll have another day at home... to cry? Maybe..... Ya, i know. I'm so random rite? >.<

Gonna cry myself to sleep now. Nightssss....

I w155 HIM.... T.T

Never too late...

Sagittarius - Taurus

When Taurus and Sagittarius come together in a love affair, it can be an incredibly steamy, passionate union, but they must give themselves time to learn about the particular energy this relationship generates. They both have much to gain from their union! While Sagittarius thrives when they're constantly experiencing new people, places, foods and more, Taurus can be quite content with routine as it affords them the security they so prize. Early in the relationship, Taurus might tend to demand more commitment and stability than Sagittarius is ready to give, but if Taurus can learn to be patient, Sagittarius can definitely come to appreciate the comforts of hearth and home.

These two Signs approach life quite differently. Taurus tends to be sedate and practical, which offsets Sagittarius's restless demeanor. Sagittarius may have trouble with Taurus's seemingly dull complacency, and will try to rev Taurus up -- which is about as smart and works about as well as trying to spark a slow, steady Bull to action! (In other words, watch out for those horns!) Taurus actually has much to offer Sagittarius, though Sagittarius may have trouble admitting their need for a secure base. Sagittarius can bring lots of fun and adventure into Taurus's life.

Taurus is ruled by Venus (Love) and Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter (Luck). The Venus influence lends Taurus their love of beauty, luxury and sensual pleasures. The Jupiter influence is what marks Sagittarius as the Teacher of the Zodiac -- Jupiter is concerned with philosophy, higher learning, expansion, optimism, luck and travel. Together this combination of beauty and expansion, masculine and feminine energy is why these two Signs admire and sustain one another.

Taurus is an Earth Sign and Sagittarius is a Fire Sign. Sagittarius needs space to move around and flame brightly; Taurus, on the other hand, is down to earth and needs stability. Sagittarius relies on feeling and impulse to direct them through life, while Taurus is practical and concerned with efficiency. These approaches to life can either be complementary or sources of stress if the two Signs can't learn to understand and accept one another. As long as they both take care to reassure the other that the relationship is special and important (Taurus, especially, needs this reassurance), things will run smoothly between them.

Taurus is a Fixed Sign and Sagittarius is a Mutable Sign. Taurus is stubborn; once their mind is made up, it takes a lot to convince them to change it. Sagittarius craves variety. If this urge to experience something new strays into the realm of experiencing new partners, Sagittarius had best beware. Taurus does not tolerate infidelity; if cheating occurs, Taurus will be deeply wounded and the relationship may not survive the strain. In turn, Taurus must give Sagittarius the freedom to enjoy other experiences and people (on a platonic level, of course!). Taurus can teach Sagittarius the benefits of a secure relationship; Sagittarius can show Taurus that flexibility is sometimes better than following a set, well-worn path.

What's the best aspect of the Taurus-Sagittarius relationship? The new perspectives they can give each other once each partner becomes familiar with the ways in which they differ. Theirs is a stable and happy relationship once they understand and accept these differences.

If you just realise what i just realise....

12 July 2oo8

Had my last driving lesson. Oh-My-God.... Dunno wat the heck is wrong with me... Wait... Okay. I do know wat's wrong.. Haizzz...

My mood goes like down down down then steady then down.... =.="" Yesterday begin with hill.. The engine keep dying... =.="" Not only that, instead of turning left i turn right!!! Kanasai wan.. Luckily that time i was in the parking area. Not rili moving, coz i have to turn the stereng to the fullest first. Then, once, i din stop before the white line bcoz i rili had no mood dy... The other instructor beside was like telling the girl, "U see. If exam, like this is fail" =.="" Issshhhh... Geram... Did i do anything to you, mister? ZZzzz... Then i heard mariah carey's bye bye and colbie caillat's realise on radio.. One after another. Worst.. Watery eyes dy... T.T

And then, went out to the road to practice the exam route... Okay okay la... Trying to focus.. On the road, dun play-play weyh... =.=""" Know wat i did?? While i was on my way back, my engine die off 3 times, same spot, on the slope!!! =.="" Can you imagine? I'm the first car and the green light for the right turning is just 5 seconds!! In other words, i missed three times of the green light!!! =.="" Instructor asks "aiyo. wat happen lar???" Then he says "Nvm, you're just tired already". But i know, thats not the reason.

At night went ate dinner with Julianne. All-but-one tuna's were there. Except Racho again! Unlucky day. Julianne's phone got stolen. Stupid asshole. Never let the bastard spoil our day, we went to the night market near her house and ate at the coffee shop there. Everyone was like looking at us coz some of them were wearing a bit too over for a coffee shop? Initially, we planned to go to restaurants in Metro Prima until her dad ask us to eat nearby coz he's worried about our safety after the incident. We chatted, gossiped, joked, laughed... But inside, i'm crying... T.T Anyway, good to see Jul again and the rest of them. 8 of us squeezed in the room and sat on the bed.. Thank God the bed frame did not break... =.=" And not to forget, i heard realise again in twins' car... =.="" Wanna cry dy that time...

Tuesday maybe gonna accompany Jul to the airport and bid farewell to her. Mayb....

13 July 2oo8

Went church early in the morning. In the car I heard realise again!!! God, what you wanna do uh? Seriously its been quiet a while since i heard of this song. Before that was like almost everyday until newer songs were out. But i just heard 5 times already since Friday!!! What's going on? T.T

Moody moody, sky also gloomy gloomy.. =.="" Everytime i think of him i will just hug Devillie. He said there is a reason that he chose Devillie as my bday present. He told me "Whenever you miss me and need me, just hug it as me." T.T and yeah, i'm hugging it!!! But I want to hug you more... T.T If i kiss devillie, will it turn into him?? T.T How i wish....

I feel so lost, so confuse... God gave me hope. He sent me a prince.. In a very special way that i never thought of. So sweet, so funny, so cute... So memorable.... But why want it to end so miserably? T.T

"Baby, i will wait for you. Coz i dunno what else i can do. Don't tell me i ran out of time, if it takes the rest of my life. Baby, I will wait for you. If you think i'm fine, it just ain't true. I really need you in my life, No matter wat i have to do, i'll wait for you....."

Feel so lost, so confuse... Went and try those love calculator thingie... =.="" Can't believe i just did that. Yeah, i did alot of things unpredictably. I'm just so random these days. Told you, i was lost right. No real sense of direction. Majority was of high score!!! T.T but why??? I just dun und....... Where has things gone wrong????? T.T

Steffie with Devillie

"If you just realise what i just realise, then we'll be perfect for each other, then we'll never find another............................. "

My Zodiac Sign

Taurus

The second sign of the zodiac

Your element: earth

Your ruling planet : Venus

The tarot card corresponding to your sign : the emperor
Your lucky color : green

Your stone : emerald

Your earth, the element of your sign, is an earth that sows seed. This is an agrarian soil of nature where gain is realized, felt, and experienced sensually. It is this soil that you impregnate with everything that is to be a Taurus. You love nature where you find an exaultation of the senses. Your well-developed senses love the perfume of flowers. You have a natural ability to communicate with animals. You love to experience, first hand, all that nature has to offer.

Your earthy nature makes for a very sensual, physical, carnal being. No platonic lovers for you! However, you need lots of stability. You run the risk of experiencing great pain if this stability does not exist or is in question. You take your time before making any decisions and you rarely change your mind. (I'm not changing my mind!!! T.T) You work with tenacity and patience, but you are often not rewarded as much as you deserve to be. The fact is that, contrary to the other signs, you don't know how to put yourself first. (Can i just be rewarded just for this time??? T.T T.T T.T)

Your qualities are not always recognized at face value. In love, for example, you give a great deal of yourself, but others just seem to take this for granted and do not appreciate your efforts. (Why???) During physical activities it is the same. You always accomplish everything you do, but you do it discreetly, so that you are not rewarded the responsibility or success that you should have.

During your relationships, friendship or love, you are completly faithful.(Blindly faithful... T.T ) If you give your affection and your commitment, if is for ever. You give a great deal of youself and you are very disappointed at any kind of deception, and completely disarmed before mistakes and failures.

Venus brings you much sensuality and charm. You have a magnetism that endowes you with a gift for Love. (i don't think so also.... T.T) However, you are not frivolous. Just the opposite! Your need for stability and security makes you prefer longlasting relationships. (DUH!! Who doesn't???)

Your faults often stem from your character. Your steadfastness may become inactivity. You have trouble adapting to new situations, crossing into unchartered waters, making quick decisions. Having several things on the go at once makes you nervous.

Your connection with other signs:

You have more chance of getting along with other steadfast signs. For example, Aries, Virgo and other Tauruses. You should however be on guard against anyone with air and water signs, particularly Geminis and Scorpios, who do attract you.

This brief but frank analysis will help you make appropriate decisions in your life. Study it well so that you can take full advantage and maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Those who succeed, no matter the situation, are those who consciously or unconsciously take maximum advantage of their trump cards, their successes, their strengths, and know when to exert self-control in moments of weakness.

http://www.pasqualina.com/sff/Taurus.asp?Diff=SFG

"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you....."

Zodiac Sign For Him

Sagittarius


Ninth sign of the zodiac
Your element: Fire
Your ruling planet: Jupiter
Tarot card corresponding to your sign: Temperance
Your lucky color: Cobalt Blue
Your stone: Sapphire


Like the other signs of Fire, your sign attracts others. If everything is going well in your life, and sometimes even in spite of problems, you have a gift for smiling, for gaiety, and for conviviality.

From your ruling planet Jupiter you have inherited a great potential for luck. Your intuition is very strong; you get this from the animal portion of your emblem: the centaur. The centaur has the body of an animal and the head of a man. Symbolically, the animal aspect represents intuition. This intuition should lead you towards good fortune, guide you in your choices, and bring you to people who are positive influences on you. It should give you the skill of rapid and fair decision-making, a flair for that which can do you good, and an almost animal-like suspicion of that which can do you harm.

Unfortunately, the head represented by the human part of the centaur too often gets the upper hand over intuition. You hesitate, you doubt, you think too much. (What were you thinking??? T.T ) Sometimes you even fear getting too involved, and you become distrustful for no reason. Therefore you let a great deal of good fortune pass you by, whether it be in the emotional or material realm. You know that when a chance comes by it's absolutely necessary to seize it immediately. You often regret your hesitations.


Your relations to the other signs:

It's possible to get along well with Capricorns. There is sexual attraction with Scorpios but these relationships may be risky. It is difficult for you to understand Geminis, and passion or rejection are the two forms of romantic relations between your two signs.You can relate well to Tauruses as long as your intuition is active and brings gaiety to the relationship. (See, we can make it de....... T.T ) Contact with Pisces is difficult. You can live happy moments with Leos, but be careful of superficial friendships and of disenchantment.


This short, unassuming analysis can help you to better conduct your existence. To learn to know yourself better allows you to maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.The people who succeed in life are often those who know consciously or unconsciously to make the most of their talents, their advantages, and their strengths, while understanding how to maintain control over their weaknesses.

Rophanie Rophanie Rophanie!!! T.T

I never knew i can hurt like this.....

Ate dinner just now... Din get to eat much... Even with my fav dish, crab! And my fav soup! Normally i'll eat 4 crabs, mayb? And 3 bowls of soup. This time... i ate only 2 with one bowl of soup. I cant even finish my rice. Only managed to force half of it into my mouth. T.T Rili hope that i will get back my appetite. Get back what i once have............ My happiness... My blisssfulness... My love...

Tommorrow's driving lesson is at 8am!! And i'm not sleeping yet... I can't sleep. Hopefully i will be able to concentrate on the road tomorrow. Coz my mind now is flooded with him. I dowanna bang anything... I know it's dangerous.... T.T Monday's my driving exam already.. I dunno how can i pass it with this mood now... But, whatever it is... I'll passed it!!! I'll do it for him!!! Confident is what i need rite?

I miss him....... As long as i'm awake, he's all i'm thinking of. Every other voice or sound suddenly became so soft... i can't hear.......... Hopefully i can hear my instructor's voice. Otherwise.... U imagine yourself la.... Goinf left instead of right. Stepping on the brake pedal instead of clutch. Going to reverse gear instead of 4th... Hope it'll never happen..

Dad ask me just now... U sick ah? Wan see doctor? i say no-lah... where got.... (ya.... i heart sick... broken.... T.T) He said i look tired... Lolx.... that's bcoz i cried until my eye swollen n tired. What to do? I need to cry myself to sleep... Make myself as tired as i can.. And also make myself as busy as i can..... But nothing i can do........ Just dun have the mood.... Remembered he once say... "Dun cry, i can feel it" T.T

I cried... I think at least 5 hours today? Litening to the song bye bye by Mariah Carey over n over again... Makes me cry even more... My tears just flow like the tap water which cant stop flowing and need some plumbing work.... =.="" Everytime i broke up.... There goes.... Every single word of the song is so clear..... Previously i always complain i cant hear the lyrics precisely... All of a sudden, those words just become so loud and clear to my ears!!! And damn it... 80% of English songs are about love!!! OMG!!! Whether its happy or sad, i'll still feel like crying... And most of the time, i'll have to hold back my tears!! T.T suffering...

The pain that i felt now.... Is as if to the extent that i need painkillers!!!! No kidding... You may think i'm exagerating.. I just realise i got a red mark on my hand... Not very big tho. I think i accidentally burnt myself a little.. I din even realise when i actually accidentally hurt myself... Scary, huh?

I recall... The moment which happen 2 months ago... We fought badly for some stupid reasons and my stupid ignorance... He left me at the stairs.... But not any longer than 30 seconds, he's back!!! I was first disapponted that he just walk away... I asked how can you left me here like that... He says i could have chase after him........ Then i was angry... I said the 2 most hurting word (break up).... But then he held me tight... He said he will not let go of me.................. Felt so warm... So sweet.... No matter how i try to get myself off, he still held on tight... How i wish, i can do that to him rite now... This time, me being the one who say this to him..............

Where has that determined "person" gone?? Why are you determined in the other direction now??? Why this time you're the one who wanna let go??? Why you're the one who gave up on me....... T.T

I will never ever forget that moment..

Sincerely and innocently, in my heart, i hope this is just a test from God!!!

吴健豪，我会永远爱你的!!!!

Saddest day ever...........

9 JuLy 2oo8


It ended... All along it was just a dream? A fantasy? And now i have to wake up? It's not fair... T.T


He just said.. "Honey, I'm sorry" and thats the end. Sorry wat? Wat for?


Why wanna bluff yourself that you dun love me? Why wanna bluff yourself that we dun match each other? What makes you say so? Mayb you will say i'm the one thats cheating myself and refuse to accept the fact that you're gone forever.


You teach me how to love. You teach me how to be confident. You knew i have low confidence with myself. But now... i got at least some.. I'm confident we will be good. But why wanna break my confidence again? Why does your word contradicts so much? I'm lost... It feels so empty now... Meaningless.. When i wake up, i asked myself, why do i have to wake up. How i wish i could fall deeper in sleep as deep as i had fall for you. I dowanna wake up without having you with me anymore.. It's just so hard to take...


You were my fren. You were my companion. You were my motivation. You were my life. My everything. If only you can try to feel how much i need you...... U still and always will be my everything. With one sentence, you left me with nothing. With the fact that i'm having my 2 months holiday now. It's worst. I'll be staying at home crying for the whole 2months!! I dunno wat else could i do, but cry.


Do you know? I had plans for your bday. I know where i can bring you. Eventho its 5 months more. I know wat to get you. Even for this holiday... i planned alot of things.. Part of it is to make our relationship better. I never knew it would be this fast.. Never thought we cant even make it until my holiday.


I dream of you always, you knew that. Honestly, i never dreamt of any of my ex before. You're the only one. I dunno why. And i dreamt of you yesterday!! It was so real... I forgot wat actually happen but it was so sweet. Sadly i woke at 8++, woke from the dream!!! And i realise, it's not the same anymore. You're just not here anymore.


I had major difficutlties studying my PMG that night.. i cant even study.. But at last i did. I used you as my motivation.. I cheated myself that you will be back if i finish studying.. I rili din know how i did it, but i did study finish. But i cant remember.. It was like so blank in the exam hall. I barely could write anything for my essay. 10% is not a small amount for me. I need that 10% as much as i needed you. It holds my future. Its so hard to stay awake, studying... So hard to even move on to see tomorrow's sun light. I never gave up... I tried and i succeeded. Altho i cant get to answer my paper well and i know i've screwed it. I did my best. I tried.


Why must all this happen to me? Why does God chose me? I can't take this anymore. I just want to be loved and k for. Not to be hurt so badly... At least if i had another chance to try work things out, and it failed again.. I will feel better, way much better than now. At least i tried and it din work.. But now, in the midst of trying.. (actually haven even started to) you back out. Why so cruel? I think you understand more than i do. The differece between the feeling when i wanted to end it and the feeling when you ended it. It's different rite? So will mine!


I dunno who can i talk to.. Everyone will ask me to forget it. It's not easy. I know, they will ask me to try. Some even say he's not good? What makes you say so.. The fact is that you saw me waiting for him outside of his class and you said he treat me like maid? What about him waiting outside my class? Please dun judge if you don't know what's going on. Dun make assumptions based on what you saw and ignore what you din see. I know it's hard not to make assumptions, we're just human! But at least, please dun make bad assumptions about him!


You came into my life so sweetly. Feel so fated together. As if God planned everything. We fall in love at the same moment, at the same place! But why? Why must it end so miserably? The moment you told me you love me, i thought i was dreaming. You know i still misses my ex. But you said "what can i do? i already got my head wet". You wanted to make me forget him and concentrate on you, rite? YES, you succeed! I can tell that i love you more than any other. I love you like i have never loved before. 5months seems short? But 5months seems more like 1 year to me. We study together, go class together, eat together, cry together, laugh together, motivate each other, teach each other... You were the closest one. Among all, i was with u in person 50times more than the rest of my ex. I once cried stupidly for my ex for 2 months! i know.. stupid! But i loved you way more.. Can you count how many months i will continue to cry? I dunno.. The impact is too big for me to measure.


My mind is controlling me. I cant sleep well. I cry n cry n cry and make myself as tired as i could so that i can fall asleep easily.. I cant do anything much. I just dun have the mood to do it! There's alot i wanted to do during the holiday.. Now? I dun even feel like doing any. "What for doing all these?" I cant. I just realise, i did it becoz of you. And now you're not here, i cant find reasons for me to do. T.T even to the extent... i can't eat well. I just feel like vomiting all the time... I forced myself to eat.. But everytime i swallow the food, i feel like i wanna puke it out. It's as if asking me to swallow the fact that you left me!!


Just to inform that i will love him no matter wat it takes. I will wait for him to be back. Need not advice me, as you clearly know that it won't work. No use scolding me also. I know you all just hope that can wake me up. But honestly, not only does that dun wake me up. It makes me regret more and hurt me even more. I will wait, i'll be fine. Mayb you'll say i'm cheating on myself, at least i have hope in life, a reason for me to move on. Dun say i din try, if i din, i wouldn't be here writing all this "crap" ( "crap" thats wat u think, rite? not for me!!) i'll be already dead or lying in a hospital bed for the attempt of suicide! And i'm not, rite? I'm still alive rite? So just let me be...

I edited this... For him...

I put wrong. i think i should be the one in blue? not so sure. The yellow just look more girly to me

Edit this too! RNZH & SWLT

31 March 2oo8

He fed me

Share our drinks

My birthday


A birthday that i will never forget



Because it's just so sweet n happy


Exchanging food...

U can guess this





The love.....

He made this..

And this...

If only i can do this again,
I will not let go...........

I thank you for all the sweet memories that u gave me. For all the small little things that you do and it meant alot to me. Mayb i dunno how to express myself well. But i do know when u're angry or sad. I just need to think what to do. not that i dowanna do anything. Thanks for waiting for me almost half an hour on tuesday just to walk me to the exam hall. Never knew that it was the last time i will get to walk with you, feel your touch and kiss you. Altho its just a few minutes, its already enuf for me to remember forever. I'll remember your smile, your smell, your touch, your kiss, your voice. Everything!

ROGER NG ZHEN HOU I WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU NO MATTER WAT HAPPENS!!